Troop 666

 Well this morning had me up so frickin early at o’dark thirty to drop off our oldest for Girl Scout camp.  Her fellow scouts are little bitches….and I am being nice here.  Needless to say I drove home seething through my tears and plotting my revenge!!!  I actually almost didn’t send her…but she immediately poopoo’d that idea—yeah, she’s strong like that. Not sure where she gets it---don’t look at me.

So I was so angry I had to go on a run and through my sweating and huffing and puffing and pain I devised a letter to ‘said bitches’ in my head-went a little something like this;

Dear Troop Bitches,

Yeah I am talking to you….yeah you,horse face-and you, diarrhea mouth and don't forget girl who always clogs the toilets with her giant turds-you know who you are.  My kid is so much better than you. You stand there in your little cliques never really looking at her, let alone saying hi-just rolling your eyes in her direction, talking about lame shit.  My kid is infinitely more mature than you’ll ever be. Her comedy skills are mad and fresh-that’s right, I said it!  She’s wise beyond her years. Definitely -she’s better than you…she sees through you all.  She gets life, and she feels people..really feels them and cares for them and she gets shit-like adult grown up shit. All your petty crap is so so below her. Really..you are all stupid. No-not stoopid-like dope or cool. Not at all. But stupid with a ‘u’-as in retarded. And not retarded as in mentally handicapped. I love the mentally handicapped…the mentally handicapped and the gays-the last two groups of fresh honest loving people on this planet. A gay or mentally handicapped person would never do this. No you all are retarded.  But you are also lucky—lucky that my kid is in your troop and not me. See she is more compassionate, more forgiving, more likely to turn a blind eye to your retardedness.  When no one will sit with you at lunch this year-she will. Why? I have no idea because I would spit on you if it were me. But then see, you are lucky like I said.  Hey you little shits I know where you live. 

And to your parents-hi its me-the one you always glare at..yeah- hi bitches!  You stood there this a.m. in your circle, you clucking hens, sipping your lattes and talking about everything BUT your kids.  What happened to teaching your kids respect?  What happened to teaching them to approach any adult with a look in the eye and a smile? Not to talk back? Not to be mean to other kids…or to at least to wait until the adults aren’t around? (they really don’t care, this generation-its so sad..I was-and still am and forever will be-terrified of my ‘elders’) And not to call adults by their first name—what the hell is that all about.  Do I know you?? No – so I am Mrs. Lee. I refuse to look at them when they say hi Sara! Like we are friends.  How do your kids get this way?…look at yourselves!! Oh wait-I guess I just answered my own question. 

And so here I sit….wondering what she is doing at this very exact moment. Is she ok? Is she sad? Is she lonely or missing us?  And yet I am ok with it all. Because really I know she’s fine.  Deep down in my gut I know that kid is so dang strong and has it so together that she can face anything.  How did that happen? I tell her all the time that I want to be just like her when I grow up.  And when she leaves now for camps or weekends away-I have stopped telling her “you’ll be ok”….. now I ask her “Will I be ok?” 

So yeah-that’s it…in a nutshell.  I feel a little better now.  Oh and welcome to my blog. It will be a family friendly one =)  I won’t cuss anymore….ok I will TRY not to cuss anymore. Ah fuck it….