Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Sad Times

When Chelsey King went missing I shared it with my kids. They had questions.
When her body was found and that asshole was arrested and Amber was found I shared that as well. I wasn't sure if they could handle oldest is Ambers age when she disappeared.
But I wanted to make them aware.

Last night an e-mail circulated amongst mothers at the girls school. A registered sex offender has been seen hanging around the park next to the school-the park where my 2 youngest wait for me after school. I was immediately sick to my stomach thinking of all the times I had run late and they sat there in that park waiting.
His picture was attached.
I didn't want to look. He disgusted me. He looked like a pervert.
I wasn't going to show the girls at first but I did.
I did because knowing is knowledge and knowledge is power.
This scum will not have power over us.
Of course they were immediately terrified and wouldn't go into the bathroom alone and couldn't fall asleep all night.
I had to repeatedly tell them that they just needed to be cautious...not that they aren't already...but it's good maybe to be a little overly so right now.
And as I dropped them off at school this morning-with plans to pick them up INSIDE the school form now on-it made my heart ache that my eight year old knows what a sex offender is.


I got a call form my dad on my cell this morning.
I don't think I have ever talked to my dad on the phone.
Knowing my grandpa has been sick and had received his last rights last week my heart immediately sunk.
I couldn't answer it. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't listen to that message.
Thank God Chris was home.
He picked it up for me. Then he saved it.
Now that everyone is asleep I finally listened to it.
I had so many mixed emotions....I am so very sad for my Grandpa.
But that message...
my dad called me.
And at the end he said 'love you Sara'.
It was nice to hear his voice. But I hated what it was saying.
It just really meant a lot that he called himself, you know?
My heart aches for the loss and also aches for the want. Does that make sense?
Baby steps...
It would help if one day I would answer my phone.

I have other thoughts...can I write them here?
why not.....thats why I have a blog right?
Besides who the hell reads this anymore.
In the history of the world I don't think a child has ever longed for a relationship with her father so badly. I never had one when I was younger and that saddens me. I so want one now.
I was confused when I was younger. My parents had a very messy divorce. It really pulled my little brother and I in a million directions. It was so very unfair.
This is my motivation to keep things going smoothly between my oldests baby daddy and me.
And seeing what a great dad my husband is makes me want a dad all the more.
It saddens me that a child could want for one but not get one.
It saddens me that money and distance keep me from that.
Maybe one day I will be rich enough to have a relationship with my dad.

But I digress...
I love you Grandpa


  1. I am sorry stuff sucks right now. :( Gimme a call sometime and we can talk about stuff that makes us happy like food etc. :)

  2. You better not talk to Lisa on the phone when I can't get you to talk to me on the thing. And, YES, I'm still stalking your site. Watch what you say. :) Love, Alli