I Hate How Much I Love You

I have spent the better part of today trying-really really trying-to be mad at my husband. There’s a song by Rhianna that has a line that reminds me so much of our relationship…”I hate how much I love you”

I HATE it. I hate it so much I get mad at him sometimes in spite of this fact.

When trying to be mad at him it really helps if I can’t see his face as this usually makes matters worse. And it really helps if he doesn’t talk. And it really helps if he doesn’t move…or breathe…or BE

All these things somehow still break me. And I hate it. I just want to be mad at him sometime.

And it sucks that he’s my best friend. It makes being mad at him even harder. I try not to talk to him….silent treatment-cuz I’m real mature like that ;) but it kills me. Because if we stop talking...even for an hour…I am lost. I will have a thought, or a joke, or see something and I’ll turn to him…but NO! I AM NOT talking to him.

But it never lasts…and after an hour or so I burst forth with all my news and jokes and life that has happened within that silent hour. You would have thought we’d been apart for days.

I hate how much I love him…

but I wouldn’t have it any other way.


p.s. no blog in a week??!!! WTF, I know! I have been in Bridgets class, and doing laundry, and doing dishes, and more laundry, and in Bridgets class, and at Girls Scouts, and at dance classes, and at crossing guard, and at Bridgets class, and at back to school nights, and dealing with a sick husband (which is infinitely worse than dealing with a sick baby by the way) and in Bridgets class, and doctors appointments and in Bridgets class and... rinse and repeat.
Speaking of Back to School night…NEVER take my husband to one. He is such a jackass! Our schools get the entire parent population to go to ONE pta meeting a year…how do they do this you ask? By sandwiching the thing between classroom visitations on back to school night. So we are at the middle school pta meeting and they make motions and second them and all in favor say yea etc etc. Chris had to answer EVERY one…he made several motions and seconded a few. He yea’d AND nea’d at every vote and after they read a motion listing members names to be ok’d for money handling he clapped…like they won something. What a jack ass……they were only trying to pass a motion. And he's not a member. I was laughing so hard I think everyone heard…and then I got nervous…

and then the sweating started.