Just A Mom

Exactly 8 days ago was the first day of school for our kids. Every year after all the monkeys are dropped off and I’ve cried my tears we always head out to breakfast at our local Pancake House-just Chris and me. After this we usually go sleep off our food coma and enjoy the quiet of our house. Well, last Monday we finished our meal and instead of napping away the day I went and applied for a job. I was terrified. My hands were shaking and my heart racing. I felt so naked. It was humiliating. There were these pages and pages of open space where I had to fill in just what I have been up to these last few years. I didn’t think they wanted my labor and delivery stories-which are captivating by the way. I haven’t held a paying job since 2000. I felt so stupid. I tried to make what I do at the kids school and what I have done in years past sound interesting and relevant to the job. I scoured my brain for every task I had ever completed there…from chaperoning to running the reading program to play producing (ok that was a stretch but I trained some actors and made the programs). When it was all put down in words I was embarrassed to turn it in.

I felt like crying the whole day. I told Chris I felt raped…just totally open and vulnerable. But why? Isn’t what I do just as important as what people earning a paycheck do?

I have always talked down the whole thing. One time a lady at Disneyland asked what I do. I replied, “I’m just a mom”. She FREAKED out at me. “JUST a mom? Never say it like that,” she scolded me. Well I still say it like that. But it sucks…this economy sucks…our whole situation sucks….hence the job search.

No one wants to hire a stay at home mom with no resume. No one cares that I can pack three lunches in lightening speed. No one cares that I have mastered replicating California Missions out of Styrofoam, packing peanuts, and dirt and leaves. Or that I have the morning routine of a teenager, pre-teen and 8 year old girl down to a science. Or that I know just what to say to make Bug smile when she needs to, or just how to stop Cadyn’s tears, or how I can look at Bridget’s face and just know when she needs me and what to do. No one cares that I have spent 13 years trying to raise three girls to be kind, selfless, giving human beings.

The job market doesn’t look so good for me.

No one wants to hire a school volunteer. No one wants to hire a housewife. No one wants to hire “just a mom”.