Thursday, October 1, 2009


We all know how I feel about dogs. I had a few unfortunate run-ins as a child, but as an adult I can ‘handle’ my fears somewhat. Yesterday within 3 hours I had 3 separate encounters with dogs and their retarded owners. I know not every dog owner is lame…in fact I know quite a few who are responsible and who over time have gained my trust with their dogs. I love Oscar, Barney, and Mikey. This love took awhile…and the owners didn’t rush it, or push it, or act like 'hey I love my dog so everyone else must'.

You know, I love my kids...and when they were babies I loved the sound of their little newborn cries. But any time we were out I would assume that others might not so I would remove them from whatever restaurant/shop/bar ;) we happened to be in. We ate a good many take out meals during those early years. I also loooved the smell of their shit (mmmm breast fed baby poop..check it out sometime) But I wouldn't make others smell the diapers along with me. Why can't these retarded pet owners use the same courtesy that I gave with my children to their dogs?

So my first incident was at the girl’s school. I was waiting for them at the park and this old lady walks by with her mangy mutt. Yes, the mutt is on a leash so I am fine with that and no, I didn’t see him poop and then her not pick it up (which happens ALL the time at our park-I have stepped in a large amount of dog feces over the years) So no beef on those fronts. It’s the fact that she thought that I shared her love of this mutt. As she moved past me on a sidewalk that was far enough away that the dog could not reach me she lets out the leash so it can come sniff my feet. All the while smiling at me like ‘yes he’s cute isn’t he?! I will let him come smell you and you will love it and then you will love him too’ Why did she let let him come over to me? I didn’t run over to her and sniff her, lick her shoes, or piss all over the ground by her feet.

Then the next two were when we were hiking later that afternoon. The first was a small yappy rat like dog that ran up to me jumping and growling. When the retarded owner saw me jump behind Chris she said ‘he’s fine’. OOHHH! Excuse me?? HE'S fine???? Good 'cause I was worried. Stupid bitch. Don’t worry about me….

Next up comes this large massive wolf looking dog. It was pretty enough but the retarded owner let it run ahead…run ahead up the twisty path where the retarded owner couldn’t see it. And when it encountered me it was an angry beaver-barking, baring teeth etc etc. The retarded owner finally ran up and said 'oh he’s friendly' and then when I said nothing he snarled to his retarded girlfriend 'but I guess you're not'. And she snickered. Stupid bitch. I hate cocky animal owners. And I especially hate their snickering girlfriends.

Why? Why do they do this? They give responsible dog owners a bad name. They completely ignore the “all dogs must be on a leash” and “clean up after your pet” signs. I hate them. I am buying yellow tape this weekend and using it to highlight all the signs around the trails. It's for ALL of our own good. I'm looking out for them as well...didn't they hear about Jessica Simpsons dog? took it hiking with no leash-and a coyote snatched it right in front of her (someone ate good that night)

You know, I LOVE my vagina. And I happen to think it’s pretty darn special. It’s friendly, responds to its name and is (usually) clean. It will do tricks for treats and won’t bite (unless you want it to), I keep it groomed and it's well behaved ...but I would never assume everyone shares my affinity with it or run up to strangers and rub it all over them.

I'm just sayin'...

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