8 Years Post Partum

I like to visit medical web sites late at night and self diagnose myself. It's what I do. I have diagnosed myself with a number of maladies and this time I think I have nailed it. I think I have postpartum depression. Here are the symptoms. Lets take a look-sy :

* Inability to sleep or sleeping a lot, even when the baby is awake. –YES I can never sleep …ESPECIALLY when my babies are awake.
* Change in appetite……yup-changes all the time. Sometimes I'm hungry then I'll eat and I’m not.
* Extreme concern and worry about the baby or a lack of interest or feelings for the baby. –all of the above
* Feeling unable to love the baby or your family. ditto
* Anger toward the baby, your partner, or other family members.-yes, yes, and yes
* Anxiety or panic attacks. ..regularly
* Fear of harming your baby. These thoughts may be obsessive, and you may be afraid to be left alone in the house with your baby. ..I actually PREFER not to be left alone with them
* Irritability. …constantly
* Sadness or excessive crying. ….daily
* Difficulty concentrating or remembering. ….what was I just saying?…
* Feelings of doubt, guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, or restlessness.-check, check, check, check, and check
* Lethargy or extreme fatigue…extremely
* Loss of interest in hobbies or other usual activities. …I have never even liked ‘usual activities’
*Mood swings. …hello! Yes please
*Feeling emotionally numb. …its that or my entire body has fallen asleep
* Numbness or tingling in your arms or legs. …yes..though it could be explained by above answer
* Hyperventilating. …usually
* Frequent calls to the pediatrician with an inability to be reassured….yes unless I can make a diagnosis myself on a medical web site
*Obsessive-compulsive features, including intrusive, repetitive thoughts and anxiety…they have got my number with this one. Hello ‘repetitive Rachel’ table for one please….(except I can’t do things in odd numbers because I might make the earth fall out of rotation or somehow jinx myself so it would have to be a table for two)
(except I can’t do things in odd numbers because I might make the earth fall out of rotation or somehow jinx myself so it would have to be a table for two)-SEE. I had to type it TWICE
*Exaggerated highs and lows…ssometimes it's just exaggerated highs. Man that’s annoying.

See?! It is scary! These symptoms are completely in line with what I have been going through…it all checks out.
Post partum depression. I will put a call in to my ob in the morning.

Up next- breast feeding woes…maybe I can borrow Bert's nipple butter.