Tuesday, November 3, 2009

It’s Back

For the past 2 years (that’s 730 days…that’s 17,520 hours …that’s 1,051,200 seconds-but who’s counting?) I have been waiting for the McRib. I love the McRib. If I could I would marry it. And we would have long passionate nights. And I would have its babies. Little McRib-lets. And I would eat them all. For some reason our regional McDonalds chains felt that we’d be satiated with Angus 1/3 pounders, McCafe’s and other god-awful promotions. Every fall I would check our local drive thru windows for that beautiful, enormous sign announcing it’s return. It never happened. And my husband and kids would taunt me constantly. “Look mom! McRib is back!” I always fell for it. My heart would stop, I’d slam on the brakes and look towards McDonalds…but no-never any sign of it. I loathe them.

Until this past Sunday night. My youngest was watching TV. I was packing lunches for the next school day. Then I hear her screaming. “Mom” she says, “the McRib is back!” I looked at her sweet little peanut face and said “look, you little shit. If this is a joke I will punch you in the god damned kisser” She promised me it wasn’t…but she always has that ‘up to no good’ look on her face so I couldn’t be sure. So I sent my husband and middle child-even thought it was late-to do a drive by. 4 minutes later they were running in the door screaming, “really really it’s back!” I cried. Two months ago when I just couldn’t take it anymore I wrote a passionate e-mail to McDonalds corporate offices. Basically saying ‘bring back the fucking McRib you assholes.’ I would like to believe it was my e-mail that brought forth this glorious comeback. Your welcome.

And while I know the McRib is probably nether rib nor probably even real meat, it’s just delicious. It’s pressed formed rib shaped patties, gooey gobs of bbq sauce, crunchy onions, pickles and oh so soft bun are enough to make me…well, enough to make me look at my kid and threaten to beat her apparently. I always said the day these babies are back I would eat 5. And I will. It will be messy, and scary, and beautiful, and delicious and slightly wrong. Someone could get hurt. Someone could get pregnant.

The McRib. It’s back.

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